


Inferno

by Sherlocked_1887



Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:31:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked_1887/pseuds/Sherlocked_1887





	1. The Cabin

*Sebastian*

The creak of a floorboard wakes me suddenly, finding the bed beside me cold and long since vacated by my companion. My fingers clench tightly around my pistol, the sheets slipping off of my naked body as I sit up and call out in sudden fear that I will find myself alone again.

"Jim?"

He doesn't respond, the cabin nearly silent as I slip out of bed and tug on a pair of boxers before leaving the bedroom and stepping out into the darkened corridor. The hardwood is icy under my bare feet, the wind coming in through an open window chilling me to the bone.

"Jim, where the hell did you go?"

"I wouldn't go around yelling if I were you."

I whip around at the sudden sound of Jims voice, standing taller as he approaches me.

"Easy tiger."

He wraps his arms around my waist, leaning up to kiss me softly before pulling away.

"Where did you go?"

"Nowhere."

I can sense the lies, choosing not to say anything about it, again, as I can see he isn't doing too well in the cabin for as long as we need to stay put.

"Jim, why don't you come lie back down?"

"I'm making tea. Do you want any?"

His loving demeanour falls away as soon as I suggest again that he come back to bed with me, the cold exterior he holds in public returning as quickly as it leaves when we are alone.

"Come on Jim, you can't keep doing this to yourself. Please?"

"I asked if you wanted tea. If not, I suggest you leave me alone and go away."

"Fine. I'll take a cup."

"What kind?"

"Do we have any-"

"No green left."

I nod, even though he can't see me, and take a seat at the counter behind him.

"Were you watching the cameras again?"

"So what if I was?"

"Anything interesting?"

His hands start shaking, quickly steadying as he moves around the kitchen to make our tea.

"Jim, sit down."

"I'm fine."

"Now."

"I said I'm fine!"

I inhale sharply, slowly letting my breath out as I try to calm down and avoid saying something that will get me in trouble.

"Fine."

Jim walks closer suddenly, setting down a chipped porcelain teacup in front of me before he turns back to grab his own. 

"What woke you?"

I shift uncomfortably, not ready to admit why I'm up so late tonight.

"Got cold, and you were gone."

He nods slowly, not responding further than that.

"What woke you up?"

"I got bored."

His voice is soft, words hardly understandable as his accent thickens.

"Relax, it's fine."

"Shut up."

I flinch at the sharpness of his voice, hand reaching for a gun before I realise I don't have one with me right now.

"Calm down."

I nod instinctively, standing as he comes closer to me and freezing as I always do. Every fibre in me tells me to run, but I stay and, as always, watch as he approaches me with the caution of someone who doesn't quite trust my current mental state.

"We need to talk about this."

He stops just in front of me, running a hand lazily over his face and nodding slowly.

"I suppose we do, don't we?"

"We can't keep avoiding this Jim, and I think you know that."

"I know Tiger, I know."

His voice softens slightly, pupils dilating with fear as I stand and wrap my arms around his waist. 

"Come sit down, I'll finish making your tea."

I place a soft kiss on his cheek, gently pushing him in the direction of our bedroom. He shuffles off slowly, resembling a small child as he rubs his eyes and yawns widely. I finish the tea, carefully carrying the cups into the room and closing the door behind me.

"Here's yours. Let me put something on, then I'll come sit down with you."

He nods, gingerly accepting the cup from me and blushing slightly as I turn around and start digging through my dresser for some clothes.


	2. Ghosts

*Jim*

Sebastian pulls on a pair of sweatpants, riffling through his drawers for a few moments later until he finds a dark grey T-shirt. I blush slightly, eyes cast down as he moves closer to me.

"Look at me."

I flinch, keeping my gaze firmly fixed on my trembling hands that encircle the chipped porcelain cup Sebastian has provided me with.

"Jim?"

My hands steady slightly, heart pounding with fear and the intoxication feeling of being so close to another human further clouding my head. The bed creaks as Sebastian sits down, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees as he studies me.

"We-"

"Yeah. We do."

I realise how soft my voice has become, almost as if I am afraid of what comes next. Logically, I should be. In reality, I'm petrified.

"I...I don't even know where you want me to start."

"Neither do I. You still look just as bad as when you first stumbled through the door."

"Which is?"

"You look like shit."

"I figured. Not exactly easy to keep weight on when you're only fed once or twice every week or two."

I flinch at the sharpness of my voice, watching Sebastian's face go through twenty different emotions in five seconds before settling on a mixture of terror and anger. His eyes are the worst, not as solid as usual but rather a softness that I don't see often.

"Don't pity me, I did this to myself."

My tone is still too harsh, but my words carry a heavy weight that quickly drives in the severity of my  recent extended absence.

"Where did you end up?"

"Siberia."

Sebastian tenses, inhaling sharply as I reach over and take his hand in mine to mask the shaking.

"Fucking hell. How?"

It's my turn to tense up, mind coming to a sudden halt as I struggle to let loose the words that are physically hurting me to keep inside.

"I...I don't know. So much happened while I was gone, I don't entirely remember."

"Don't lie to me Jim, I've known you for long enough to be able to tell when you are. Especially now. I need to know what happened to you."

"You don't need to know everything."

"I can handle it Jim, stop trying to shield me from this!"

"What if I'm not fucking ready to talk to you about it? What if I haven't come to terms with what happened yet? Did it cross your mind even once that I had a good reason for not talking to you?"

I stand quickly, making my head spin as I storm out of the room and slam the door behind me. Even in my rage filled state, fatigue takes over as soon as I make it into the spare bedroom, and I collapse onto the bed without a second thought.

~~~

A small sound wakes me suddenly, startling me as I realise what it is. Sebastian is whimpering softly in the other room. I roll out of bed carefully, making my way down the corridor cautiously as it becomes apparent that Sebastian is having one of his bad nights. I open his door slowly, flinching as he wakes up and instantly has the gun pointed at my head.

"Don't fucking move."

His body is trembling, but the gun remains steady as it always is in his hands. I watch his face, searching for a glimmer of recognition in his eyes.

"Seb? It's me. Relax."

"I said don't move!"

I shrink back behind the door, knowing full well that he can shoot me at any moment, and he won't miss if he decides to do so.

"Sebby...you need to calm down."

His eyes widen in fear as I move closer, gun never leaving my head.

"I'm going to sit down, alright?"

He doesn't respond further than a flinch, which I know by now to be the remnants of childhood abuse suffered at the hands of his father.

"Put it down Seb."

I reach out carefully, gently lowering his hands and taking the weapon from him before I push him back down against the pillows and straighten the tangled sheets. He grabs onto me suddenly, flipping is over so he has me pinned to the bed under himself as I am left struggling.

"Seb...get off."

He doesn't seem to recognise me, tendrils of fear left over from whatever nightmares he suffered tonight bleeding into his conscious state. I lie as still as I can, ignoring the pain that shoots through my body as a result of the added weight over my midsection.

"Jim?"

I nod slowly, opening my eyes to see his face inches from mine before he suddenly pulls away from me and grabs the gun again.

"Seb? Are you alright love?"

He ignores my inquiry, pulling on a heavy coat and leaving the cabin. The door slams shut with a strange finality that tells me not to follow him out quite yet. I sit down on his bed, curling up and tugging a blanket around myself as I begin the long wait for his return.


	3. The Store

*Sebastian*

"Seb?"

I turn slowly, curling my fingers around the cold grip of my pocketed gun as Jim approaches me.

"I don't want to talk about it."

He nods, handing me one of the two mugs he carries in shaking hands. I raise the glass to my lips slowly, grateful for the warmth that the coffee provides as the wind picks up again.

"How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't, not for long."

I wince, knowing it's probably my fault he woke up again.

"Sorry."

"Not your fault."

He's lying again, hands tapping gently against the chipped sides of the mug as I click the safety back on my gun.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, a tad bit."

"You realise we need to go into town today, right?"

"Fuck."

"You don't have to come if you don't want to."

Jim sets his mug down on the railing, taking mine from me and placing it next to his before he leans against my chest. I wrap my arms around him instinctively, smiling as I feel his arms snake around my waist. I place a gentle kiss in his hair, breathing in his scent and feeling myself instantly relax as familiarity takes hold.

"I missed you."

He makes a small noise, soft words made softer as they are muffled by the thick fabric of my coat.

"What?"

I chuckle softly, kissing him again.

"I said I missed you too."

He smiles, burying his face back against chest with a contented sigh.

"I need to get dressed to leave, are you coming with me?"

"Do I have to?"

"Not really."

He thinks for a moment before letting me go, eventually deciding to follow me into the cabin and get dressed.

"You're sure you want to come with me?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

"You don't think I can handle it?"

I freeze at the suddenness of such a sharp accusation, attempting to come up with a better answer than affirming the truth.

"You're not quite...healed yet."

"I'll be fine Sebby."

I nod, allowing myself to be pulled down for a kiss before I break away and grab the keys out of the dish on the counter.

"Let's go then, I've got a general idea of what we need to pick up, but if you want anything let me know."

He nods, grinning almost excitedly as I start the car.

~~~

"I want that one."

"You come back, and the first thing you want to buy is the most sugary cereal in the store? Seriously?"

Jim nods eagerly, grabbing the box and tossing it to me to put it into the cart for him.

"Fine, but we still need other things."

He smiles, running over to the cart and riding it down the aisle as I walk not too far behind him. We make it to checkout after about an hour, checking out quickly and loading the car up.


	4. Scars

*Jim*

"What'd you get this one from?"

Sebastian runs his fingers down my bare back for the millionth time, gently tracing my scars as I tell how I got them. I flinch when he reaches my waistband, his fingers trembling as he realises how much deeper the current scar runs than the rest.

"And this?"

"Got caught up doing something I shouldn't have."

He nods, placing a gentle kiss at the bottom of my spine before moving up back towards my shoulders. I shiver, muscles tensing the next time he moves. 

"What's wrong love?"

"Nothing, I still haven't gotten used to you doing that."

I smile when he kisses my neck, relaxing as he traces down my spine again.

"I love you."

His lips brush against my skin, breath ghosting across my back as he speaks. I roll over, pulling him down on top of me in the brief moment of surprise he has at my sudden movement. He laughs softly, gently pushing me back against the mattress as he kisses me again.

~~~

The sun is just setting as I open my eyes, the last golden rays filtering into the room and across Sebastian's sleeping form. I watch him for a few moments, reaching out slowly to run my fingers down his jawline and across his neck. A sharp inhale of breath tells me he is awake, one of his hands reaching up to gently take mine.

"Go back to sleep."

His voice is rough with in a way that tells me he is exhausted, eyes fluttering open weakly for a few moments before he closes them again. I gently pull my hand out of his, letting my fingers drag across his jaw again before I tuck myself under his chin and wrap my arms around his waist.

"Stop moving around so much."

I kiss his cheek softly, lying my head on his shoulder before going still again.

"Ya lyublyu tebya..."

I grin, feeling the vibration of every word in his throat as he speaks, though I'm still not used to him mumbling Russian in his sleep. 

"Sure love."

Sebastian, now appearing content, sighs deeply and goes back to sleep as I tug a blanket more tightly around us.

"I love you."

He doesn't respond, already dragged back into the strange nature of his dreams. I flinch when he starts shaking, not wholly prepared for the darker side of what sleep brings him.

"Sebby? Wake up love. Come on."

I try to sit up, finding myself restrained as Sebastian wraps his arms back around my waist.

"Stay."

He's awake again, voice shaking as tears slowly trace their way down his face.

"Please."

I allow him to hold me against himself, whispering soft words to reassure him that I am still here with him. He recovers quickly, though his hold on me doesn't slacken for at least another hour as the fear finally fades.


	5. Trouble

*Sebastian*

I wake up to Jim tucking himself under my chin, his body heavy across my outstretched arm. He sighs softly, curling up as I carefully shift out from under him and slip out of bed. I cover him back up with the comforter, placing a kiss on his forehead before leaving the room. The hardwood is icy under my bare feet, but my body warms quickly as I turn the shower on and step into the hot water. When I get out Jim still hasn't woken up, so I wrap a towel around my waist as I rifle through my side of the dresser to find a set of warm clothes. I smile when I turn back around, watching the rise and fall of Jims chest as he sleeps, now sprawled across the bed. I grab the blanket off the floor where he kicked it off, covering him back up before heading out into the kitchen and putting the kettle on the stove. 

Outside is colder than the cabin, my breath turning to mist almost before it leaves my throat. My fingers shake as I light my cigarette, a cloud of smoke enveloping me as it finally lights. I let out a stream of smoke, watching it curl towards the grey blanket of clouds above me as it thins out. I walk back inside, cigarette between my lips as I pull the screaming kettle off the stove and pour myself a cup of tea. Jim still hasn't made an appearance, actually sleeping in for the first time since he stumbled in my front door. I check my watch, deciding to make Jim something to eat for when he wakes up before I take my cup and go back outside.

~~~

"Seb?"

I smile, turning around as Jim opens the door and walks carefully over to me.

"Hey kitten."

He laughs softly, taking my cigarette from between my lips and taking a slow drag of it before he gives it back.

"I thought you quit."

"I did."

I nod, smirking as he retreats back to the semi warmth of the doorway. He smells of woodsmoke, telling me he finally managed to get the fire started by himself.

"How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't, not for very long. You?"

"I feel like I was sleeping for a week."

He chuckles softly, shifting his weight from foot to foot as the wind picks up again.

"You're not cold?"

"I grew up here, you'll get used to it."

I stand here for a moment, realising that I don't have any shoes on and that could be part of his shock.

"I made you breakfast."

He nods, blushing slightly as I walk over and kiss the top of his head.

"Why don't you go inside and get warmed up, I'll finish up out here and be in there in a few minutes."

"I'm fine Sebby."

"You're cold."

He walks over to me again, falling against my chest and burrowing into my shoulder.

"Then keep me warm."

I can tell something isn't quite right, his body shaking from more than just the cold.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." 

"Jim..."

"I'm fine."

His voice is too soft, lacking the usual urgency when he is telling me to leave him alone about something.

"You're going to get burnt love."

"So?"

I push him off of me gently, snubbing out my cigarette in an ashtray before allowing him to fall back against me.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Tell me what you need at least. Okay?"

He nods, but doesn't offer further attention to the matter until I move again.

"I want to go."

"Go where?"

Jim reaches into my pocket, fingers shaking as he pulls my pistol out and searches for an ammunition clip in the other pocket.

"What are you doing?"

He doesn't respond, but rather heads back into the house without a second glance back at me.


	6. Flashbacks

*Jim*

"What's wrong?"

"I'm fine."

I am definitely not fine. Another bullet is fired off, the jolt from the sheer force of the shot travelling up my arms and through my body.

"Jim?"

Sebastian watches me for a few moments, not saying much else as I continue firing off rounds into the target in front of me. The next time I go to reload my pistol, I find Sebastian's hand there to take the gun, eyes soft and pleading.

"Leave me alone."

My voice comes out softly, definitely not the way it was supposed to, reminding me of my time gone. Two years gone actually.

"Jim? We need to talk about this. Please?"

I don't say anything, but allow him to take the gun out of my shaking hands and lead me back upstairs.

"What's going on?"

"I woke up...and you were... I woke up and you were gone."

I break down in tears, barely hearing the soft string of curses that Sebastian mutters as he opens his arms for me to lie against him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

He wraps his arms around me tightly, whispering softly in my ear as he runs his hands down my arms.

"You're alright. I would never leave you like that, you know that right?"

I nod weakly, burrowing closer as the panic starts to subside.

"Shhhh, relax. Please?"

He gets up slowly, arms still wrapped tightly around me as he walks through the cabin and into the bedroom, where he sets me down on the bed gently.

"Don't."

"Don't what? You need to talk to me love."

"Don't go."

"I'll be right back, stay here."

I frown at him, getting up anyways and following him back out into the kitchen.

"What're you doing?"

He chuckles, turning around to kiss me softly before he directs his attention back to his original task.

"Thought you might want some tea."

I nod, moving around him to pull the same chipped cups from the cabinet. One slips out of my shaking hands, shattering as it hits the ground. Sebastian turns around quickly, already reaching for his pistol as he searches for the source of the sudden noise. I sit down hard, suddenly realising what I did. He takes a step towards me, flinching when I cower away from his touch. I start trying to clean up my mess, wincing when I cut myself almost instantaneously. The sight of blood brings back a flood of memories, sending my mind into a survival mode that turns everything back into my time in captivity.

"Jim?"

"I...I...I didn't mean to...please don't hurt me...I'm...I'm sorry."

He curses when I flinch again, voice softening as he moves closer and crouches down beside me where I have balled myself up protectively against the pain that I automatically anticipate.

"You're okay, it's just me. It's me."

I bite my lip to avoid yelling at him, body shaking as he starts picking up the glass off the floor.

"It's okay. I'm not...I'm not going to hurt you."

He notices the blood on the floor, reaching out for my hand so he can assess the damage done.

"Let me see it, please? I need to make sure you're going to be okay."

I shake my head, covering my ears with my hands when the kettle whistles and startles me. Sebastian stands quickly, burning himself as he pulls it off the stove and moving it to the counter.

"Shhh...Jim, you need to listen to me."

I don't move, tensing up as Sebastian wraps his arms around me.

"It's just me, you're okay."

He pulls me into his lap, rocking me gently until the worst of the panic passes, slowly easing me back into a more stable state of mind.

"What just happened there?"

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do. And yes, I do want to hear the full story."

"I...I don't know how to...how to do that."

"Start slowly, let me finish the tea, then we can go into the sitting room and talk. Okay?"

I nod, slowly leaving the room and moving into the next one to wait for Sebastian.


	7. Aftershock

*Sebastian*

Jim jumps up when I enter the room, fear flashing in his eyes as I step closer and set the tea cups down on the table.

"It's alright."

He nods, shaking as he curls up in my lap on the sofa.

"You don't have to talk right now if you don't want to, but I'm here if you want to. Okay?"

I receive no response, Jim drawing in a sharp breath as he covers his ears with his bloodied hands again.

"Shhh...relax. I'm right here."

He clings to me tightly, whimpering softly as I grab a blanket and cover him with it.

"You're okay."

I continue talking to him, attempting to help lower his heart rate and bring his breathing back down to a more normal rate. He starts talking suddenly, refusing to look at me as he tells the story of his time away, voice eventually trailing off as he finishes the worst of this bit. I open my arms for him, wrapping my arms around his waist and tugging a blanket over us as it becomes evident that we aren't going to get anything done today.

~~~

"Hey Seb..."

"Yes love?"

"Can we leave? Go back home?"

I freeze, letting my hand hover above his waist before slowly sitting up to face him.

"I...I don't know. I don't think we should leave so soon, it's a safety issue."

"Please."

Jim reaches over, placing a shaking hand over my own.

"I can't handle this anymore, any of it. I need something to work on, and sitting here isn't helping."

He falls against my side, shaking with more than just the cold.

"Okay. It's okay, I'll see what we can do. I just don't think it's safe to go all the way back to London just yet."

"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier."

I wrap my arms around him, resting my chin on his head as I try to think of a response that will set his mind at ease.

"Give it a month, alright? I promise you, we will be back in London by the end of the month."


End file.
